What Moms Want To Know

Teaching My Toddler How To Take Turns

I've been working with my 22-month-old son on how to take turns for awhile.  He's still not consistently giving and taking, and developmentally, that's probably not all that unusual.  Still, though, I don't think kids are ever to young to be introduced to the concept of turn taking.  Here are some things I try to do with him to teach taking turns.

1) We Share Snacks Sometimes
I'll say okay, you can have a bite, then Mommy gets a bite, and I point out to him that we are taking turns eating.

2)  Bathtime
He washes his arm and then Mommy washes his other arm.  Again, I'll point out that we're taking turns.

3) Timer
My son is an only child right now (for about 6 more weeks, anyway) but when his brother gets here and gets older, I plan on (if the need arises) to use a timer when they need to take turns playing with or doing something.  I have a friend who uses one and it seems to work well with her kids.  She just sets a timer and when it goes off it's time to trade toys or activities. 

4) Don't Always Let Your Child Go First
I've read this and heard it a million times, but it's still hard for me to take a turn before my toddler.  It just feels kind of weird to take the first turn with the finger paints, or whatever it is we're doing.  But, I know it proabably teaches a good lesson, so if I think about it, I'll say something like, "You went first earlier, now it's Mommy's turn to go first."  He's usually just fine with this, and it does teach him that he doesn't always get to go first.

My Toddler's Journey To Independent Play (Part 5)

(Click to see Parts 1, 2, 3, and 4.

My son is doing much better with playing alone.  I don't know how much it has to do with me working with him and how much is due to developmental maturity.  (Probably more of the  latter.)  But, regardless of the why, he is playing a little better alone.  Don't get me wrong, we still do LOTS of things together, but he is playing independently more and more often. 

The next step I've decided to take is to simply insist that he play alone. 

Here is what happened today that led me to this conclusion.  He awoke around 7, we rocked for twenty minutes, played (our version) of Memory, ate breakfast, went to the library, met friends for a very kid-friendly lunch, and finally settled down for a nap.  Guess how long he slept?  45 MINUTES.  That's it.  He's usually a great napper, so I don't know what was going on, but needless to say, Mommy was disappointed.

So, I got him up, gave him a snack and asked if he wanted to play outside.  He did, of course, but wanted me to come with him.  I firmly told him, that no, Mommy would watch him play from the kitchen.  And he was okay with it.  He played for about twenty minutes with our dogs while I watched from the kitchen table.  

I felt fine with this because I could see him play and our entire day had been centered around him.  He needed time to play alone and I needed time  to myself.

So, I guess we've arrived at the next step of this long process.  I insist, he reluctantly complies, and we both end up a little happier.

Pound Cake Recipe

This pound cake is easy and delicious!

Prep Time: About 20 minutes
Cook Time: About 1 hour, 15 minutes 

Ingredients:
2 Sticks of Butter
3 C. Sugar
1/2 C. Shortening
5 Eggs
3 C. Flour (All Purpose)
1 C. Milk
1TBS Vanilla
1/2 tsp. Baking Powder

1) Cream the butter, shortening, and sugar

2) Add eggs

3) Add flour

4) Add milk

5) Add vanilla

6) Add baking powder

7) Place in a COLD oven

8) Bake for about an hour and 15 minutes

9) Let cool and enjoy!

Tips for Teaching Toddlers To Play Alone (Independent Play Series, Part 4)

As I have struggled with teaching my toddler to play by himself, I've discovered some valuable lessons.

1) Get everyone on board.
Your spouse, your child's grandparents, older siblings, etc...

2) Be patient, it will take time.
Think baby steps.  Independent play does not happen overnight, expecially if you were like me and did not expect it from the start.

3) Reinforce behavior you want, ignore behavior you don't.

4) Find toys they like that keep them engaged. 
Don't expect them to play by themselves very long with a toy that only requires them to press a button and listen to music.  Toys that require manipulation and imagination seem to work best with my son.  For example.... blocks, trains sets, play kitchens. (Read more here about what my son learns from his train set.)

5) Make sure your expectations meet where your child is developmentally.
For example, most twelve-month-olds are not going to be able to play well alone for thirty minutes.  Do a little research and figure out what is reasonable to expect from your child.

6) Have a goal so you will know when you've reached it.
Do you want your child to play for ten minutes alone?  Twenty?  Figure out exactly what you expect so you will know when you and your child have achieved your goal.

7) Relax
Your child is not going to want or need you to sit beside her and text her boyfriend when she's fifteen, although you might want to!  Eventually your child will learn to work and play alone.

Mothers Need Balance

Mothers know that balance is important to a healthy lifestyle.  We practically force it upon our kids.   How many times have you told your kids to...

"Go out and play, you've been in front of the computer long enough." 

"Eat your vegetables, you've had enough bread."

"Go to bed, you need enough sleep to do well in school." 

See?  Balance.  We know we need it.

Now, go look in the mirror, if you were your child what would you tell her? 

"Go play with your friends?"

"Get some more sleep?"

I wish it was easy, but it is just plain hard to achieve balance as a mother.  In fact, I think we totally lose sight of what it really means to lead a balanced life as soon as our first child is born.  I've been trying to figure out what balance means for me, as a relatively new mother.  There are three main areas where I struggle most with achieving balance.

They are... 

Family/Friends Balance
How much time should you spend with your friends?  I know how important it is to maintain social ties, but I also know how hard it is to find the time to do so.  And when you spend time with them?  As a stay-at-home-mom, I don't feel that I should zoom out the door as soon as my husband gets home from work.  I kind of feel that I should socialize during the day and be at home at night.  Is this reasonable?  I honestly don't know.  It's just what feels right to me, right now.  When our kids are older and can bathe and feed themselves, I might feel differently, but right now, it works for me.

(Not to mention that I am absolutely exhausted by 6PM and probably would not be great company anyway.)

Kid Time/Mommy Time
How do you balance time spend actively engaged with your children versus time spent doing things you actually need to do?  I know that it is important to spend time playing with your kids, but I also know it's important that they learn to entertain themselves, not to mention impotant to your mental well-being.  How do you determine what is a reasonable amount of time to spend on both?  I'm working on it.

Time Spent With Each Child
This in one I am about to learn about first-hand.  How much alone time do you spend with your children?  So far, my child has been an only-child, but he will soon become a big brother.  I've been thinking about how to maintain some sort of balance about time spent with each one.  I know how demanding newborns are, but I also know that my toddler will still need lots of love and attention from me.  How do you determine how much time is enough? 

I have no answers so far, really just questions, but as I explore and look for ways to achieve balance, I plan on posting about it here, so stay tuned. 

WFMW Keep Toy Directions Organized & Neat

If you have children, you have toys.  And those toys come with lots and lots of directions and extra parts.  Those directions and parts can be tricky to keep up with, and you never know when you are going to need them.  So, I found a way to keep them handy and in one piece.

First, I put them in a gallon size storage bag.

Then, I punch holes in the bag.

Finally, I clip them in a binder, and they are right where I can easily find them.

Not only does this help us put when a toy falls apart or a battery needs to be charged and we can't figure out where the battery even is.... but if you pass your toys on to friends, donate them, or sell them at consignment sales, then you can pass the directions along with the toy.  Certainly works for me!

For more tips, head back on over to WFMW!

Activities To Keep Young Children Busy Indoors

If you would like some ideas on how to keep your your children busy during these long, cold, rainy winter days, check out my post here, over at GNMParents.

Toddlers Learn By Playing...The Train Set Edition

We bought our son a starter train set for Christmas this year.  It's a figure 8 with a bridge the train can cross.  I was a little worried that it might be a little much for him, since he's not even two yet, but my worries were wasted.  

He loves his train set and as I have observed him play and played with him myself, I see that he is really learning from his it.

1) Gentleness
If he pushes the trains too hard or fast, they fall off the track, so I remind him to be gentle with the train.  He really gets it.  When I remind him, he immediatley becomes calmer and more gentle with the train.

2) Fine Motor Skills
Playing with the train set has helped his fine motor skills to develop.  This goes right along with learning to be gentle.  He is using basically the same skills.

3) Sharing
He and I take turns pushing and pulling the trains around the tracks.  And we talk about what we are doing, your turn, my turn, etc.

4) Colors
I will ask him to push the red "choo choo" around the tracks and he'll try to do so.  So far, he only knows "Yewow" but it's a benefit I had not thought about.  (Not that he could not learn his colors in many other ways, but it's working for us.)

5) Fun
Most importantly, he is learning all of these things while he is having fun.  He absolutely loves his train set, and that he is learning while he plays is just great. 

6) Independent Play
It is also helping with our Independent Play battle, he likes to sit and play with his trains, by himself!

WFMW Cures For Writer's Block

This post is, obviously, not about children or family, but since I blog about both, I think it pertains to this blog.  Since starting this blog, one of the biggest challenges I have faced is writer's block.  I have found a few ways to overcome it.

1) Simply Write
I have found that when I just sit down and write, new ideas emerge.  I jot them down in my notebook when I think of them so I don't forget them.  But it seems like one idea just merges into another and another.  So far this is the best solution I have found, to just begin writing.

2) Read
Read books, magazines, blogs, just read everything.  Just opening your mind to other's ideas will help inspire you.  It will also make your actual writing better. (I used to tell my students this all the time... the best readers are usually also the best writers.) 

3) Pay Attention To The World Around You
It' s used so much, I suppose it's cliche, but I'll say it anyway, "Write What You Know."  Whether you are a stay-at-home-mom or a working single girl, you have a unique way of doing things.  Pay attention to what those things are, and use them in your writing.  The other week, I was trying to come up with something for WFMW and I realized I had come up with ways to make living in a two-story house with a young child easier on all of us, so I wrote about it.   

4) Take A Break
If you have been sitting at your computer for an hour and nothing great is coming to you, get up.  Go for a walk.   Cook diner.  Play with your kids.  Sometimes a change of scenery is all you need. 

5) Quit Pressuring Yourself 
Oh, how hypocritical of me.  I am the world's worst at putting unneeded pressure on myself.  But, I have found that when I am able to relax, my writing flows much more freely.  

For more tips, head back on over to WFMW!

Early Bird Toddlers

We have battled our son's early-bird tendencies ever since he started sleeping through the night.  When we are successful, he will go several weeks sleeping until 7-7:30 and then, suddenly, he will be back to his 5AM wake-up call.  If he would lay with me in bed, watch a DVD, or even play quietly, this would be no big deal, but he is ready to go, ready to play, just plain ready when he wakes up. 

He is also in a pretty foul mood when he gets up early, which puts his mother in a pretty foul mood, which makes no one all that happy.  We have researched and experimented ways to get him to sleep in a little later and we found three things that did actually did work for us.

1) Putting Him To Bed Earlier
This seemed so counter-intuitive, but it did work when he was younger (around 12 months).  We had been putting him to bed between 8-8:30, and he was waking up around 5.  One morning (at 5:15) I was madly searching the Internet for some way to get him to sleep a little later and came across some information that suggested to try putting your Early Bird to bed earlier.  We did, and it worked almost immediately. We moved his bedtime to 7:30 and he started sleeping until about 7 every morning.  Weird, and I have no idea why it worked, but it did work.   

2) Crying It Out
I am not a big believer in letting kids cry it out.  I see nothing wrong with parents that do, it's just a technique does not work for me personally.  But desperate times and all that, right?  Anyway, at another point when our son was getting up really early, we decided to let him cry for 10-15 minute increments.  I was determined to make him stay in his crib until 6 AM.  It only took a couple of mornings for it to help.  He first woke at 5AM and we waited until 5:15 to get him.  We did this a couple of times and he started sleeping a little later and soon we were waiting until 5:45 to get him, and then suddenly he started sleeping until 7.  

3) (In Direct Opposistion to #1) Put Him To Bed Later
The time change back in the fall really confused my son 's sleeping habits. He went from sleeping soundly all night from 7:30-7:00 to waking in the middle of the night and getting up early.  Most people tell me their kids' adjust after a week or so.... but not my kid.  He only recently became a good sleeper again.  It took several weeks.  One adjustment I made was to his bedtime.  When he was younger putting him to bed earlier helped, now that he is a little older, moving his bedtime later by about twenty minutes worked. 

4)Teach Them To Use A Clock
My son is too young to do this, but when he gets a little older, I plan on teaching him to recognize numbers on a digital clock and not alllowing him out of bed until he sees a certain number, like 9:00.  Just kidding!  I wish....but I'll more than likely teach him to look for 7:00.   When he sees that 7 is the first number, then he can get out of bed.  I have heard of numerous people doing this and they say it works well, when the child is old enough. 

I have decided that, like most things parenting, adjusting sleeping habits calls for lots of patience and lots of trial and error.  Eventually something will work.