What Moms Want To Know

Teaching My Toddler How To Take Turns

I've been working with my 22-month-old son on how to take turns for awhile.  He's still not consistently giving and taking, and developmentally, that's probably not all that unusual.  Still, though, I don't think kids are ever to young to be introduced to the concept of turn taking.  Here are some things I try to do with him to teach taking turns.

1) We Share Snacks Sometimes
I'll say okay, you can have a bite, then Mommy gets a bite, and I point out to him that we are taking turns eating.

2)  Bathtime
He washes his arm and then Mommy washes his other arm.  Again, I'll point out that we're taking turns.

3) Timer
My son is an only child right now (for about 6 more weeks, anyway) but when his brother gets here and gets older, I plan on (if the need arises) to use a timer when they need to take turns playing with or doing something.  I have a friend who uses one and it seems to work well with her kids.  She just sets a timer and when it goes off it's time to trade toys or activities. 

4) Don't Always Let Your Child Go First
I've read this and heard it a million times, but it's still hard for me to take a turn before my toddler.  It just feels kind of weird to take the first turn with the finger paints, or whatever it is we're doing.  But, I know it proabably teaches a good lesson, so if I think about it, I'll say something like, "You went first earlier, now it's Mommy's turn to go first."  He's usually just fine with this, and it does teach him that he doesn't always get to go first.

My Toddler's Journey To Independent Play, Part 3

        

Photo ByCTD 2005

We have officially started.  We're working hard and so far, not too much success, but it will come, I know it will.

What We're Doing:
We'll get out a toy together (usually Little People since he really likes them) and both of us will sit on the floor and play.  After a couple of minutes I'll move back and watch.  (At first I was sitting on the couch and that did not work, the floor works better right now.)  He lasts, I am embarrassed to say about 30 seconds-1 minute before he realizes I am not there and quits playing.  But, we have to start somewhere, I suppose.  And this is my fault, I keep reminding myself.  So, my plan is to continue like this until he sits and plays independently for 4-5 minutes.  Then I guess I'll move up to sitting on the couch while he plays.

Right now, I'm not giving much positive reinforcement because if I speak to him he realizes I am not right there next to him.  Soon (I hope) I will praise his efforts to play alone.

Where We Are: He will sit and play for 30 seconds to one minute.  

Our Goal: Twenty Minutes of Independent Play     

My Toddler's Journey To Independent Play, Part 2 (Goals)

My little boy plays well... as long as I am sitting next to him keeping him engaged.  If I get up for any reason he also gets up.  If I go into the kitchen to get a drink, he wants a drink or he wants me to pick him up and look around the countertops.  If I sit on the couch, he wants me to get back on the floor with him.  It's really not a good situation, and it's one that I swore would never happen.  Never say never, I guess.    

So, in order to keep my sanity (or what's left of it) I have set two goals for us. 

1) My first goal is for him to sit and play independently for twenty minutes at a stretch. 
I still want to play with him and plan on doing so, but.... not only is it important to his development to play alone, it is also important to my sanity.  And it will become even more important to my sanity when Baby Brother arrives in a few weeks. 

2) My second goal is for him to play with something that he is actually meant to play with. 
He will "play" by taking everything off the bottom shelf of the refrigerator and stacking the bottles on the floor for hours, if I allow it. But I want him to play with his things, his blocks, his Little People, his books, etc.  I don't mind or forbid exploration of our house, I even encourage it lots of the time, but my goal is for him to use his possessions to entertain himself.

These two goals are simple, necessary, and achievable.  I'm not setting either of us up for failure and I know that we're all going to be much happier when we reach them.  

My Toddler's Journey To Independent Play, Part 1

When I gave birth for the first time, almost twenty-two months ago, I was utterly and completely enamored with my brand new baby boy.  And I stayed that way for some time.  In all honesty, I am still rather enamored with him, but in a different way.  (Toddlers are just different.)  Well, that enamoration(is that a word?) led me to play with him constantly. I knew I should be teaching him to play on his own, but I would look down at that little roly-poly baby and have to be right next to him.  I just couldn't help it.  I was like an addict needing a fix.  I had to kiss his smooth little cheeks and hold his chubby little hands.

Fast-forward several months.... That roly-poly baby is now a cat-like toddler, darting here and there and sinking his claws into Mommy every chance he gets.  And I do mean every chance he gets... while Mommy is trying to fix her hair in the mornings, while Mommy is trying to prepare dinner at night, while Mommy is trying to do almost anything that does not directly involve him.  And Mommy is starting to realize what a colassal mistake Mommy made when she did not teach Baby how to play on his own.  (Okay, I will stop talking about myself in the third person now.)  So now Mommy is on a journey (last time, I swear) to rectify the situation she herself created.

I plan on writing several posts over the next few weeks documenting our journey to independent play.  He is quickly approaching two years, so I know that he is at the right developmental stage for more independent play, he just needs guidance from me (since I'm the one that messed him up in the first place) to be successful. 

WFMW 3 Activities To Teach Toddlers Helping Habits

Toddlers are notorious for getting into things.  My little guy is no exception.  If I turn my back for 5.2 seconds he has the bottom shelf of the fridge emptied of its contents and is busily reaching for the next shelf up.  So, to keep him busy and make him feel important, I've started letting him "help" with some household chores and he loves it. 

Three things we're now doing together:

1) Laundry
I let him throw the clothes into the washer.  He loves it, it's a game for him, and while it does take me longer to get my laundry done, it keeps him happy for a little while and I feel like we're spending some quality time together. And he seems so proud that he is helping Mommy.

2) Dustpan
Oh my goodness, he LOVES this.  He even brings me the broom so he can collect what I sweep.  I just sweep the floor and let him hold the dustpan while I sweep the trash into it. He then empties the pan into the garbage.  It works much better if I sweep everything over by the trashcan and let him dump it immediately.  This was at least some of what I swept actually makes it into the trash!

3) Groceries
I let him put up (non-breakable) groceries.  He carries the boxes of cereal to the pantry and knows where to put his yogurt in the fridge.

While none of this saves me any time and, as you probably know, I actually spend much more time on these tasks when he helps, I feel like it's a good learning experience for him.  I hope that I am starting to build some lifelong habits and that it makes him feel like an important part of our household.  And, if nothing else, while he is helping, he's happy! 

For more great tips, head back on over to WFMW!

A More Agreeable Toddler

As the mother of a very active twenty-month-old who is just discovering his independence, I am always on the look-out for ways to save my sanity by making him more agreeable.  I would rather not go the punitive path, because I have found that punishment typically only worsens the behavior (and my mood) at this age.  Instead, I prefer to be proactive and stop bad behavior before it starts.  While I am not successful all the time, or even most of the time, the following tips and tricks really do work.  I have gleaned them from friends,family, magazine articles, and Internet sites.    

Have A Routine
Routine, routine, routine.  Oh, how I love a routine.  And I most certainly did not love a routine until I became a mother.  I preferred the Fly-By-The-Seat-Of-My-Pants approach to life.  But I quickly found that babies and toddlers do not do as well as I did with that particular approach.  So, now our lives rotate around a fully predictable day, and I love it.  My son knows exactly what to expect and he is so much better behaved.  In fact, the one part of our day that is not in full-routine mode is the first hour or so in the morning, and I can tell a huge difference in his behavior.  This is my fault because I am so not a morning person, I am just having a really hard time coming up with a plan that will work for us, but I'm going to, and soon! 

Model the behavior you expect.
I think that this may be one of the most overlooked, but most important keys to better behaved children.  Children, from very young ages, watch absolutely everything you do.  If you are trying to teach sharing.... share.  Give your child half your apple, share half your Diet Coke with your husband, and talk about what you are doing.  "Look, Mommy is sharing her apple with Charlie."     

Ask before you act. 
My son used to love bathtime.  Then he went through a stage where he hated it.  He was fine splashing around but as soon as I actually tried to actually make him clean, with real soap and a washcloth, he would get upset.  So I started asking him if I could bathe him.  I would say, "May I wash your arm?" and he would grin and hold out his arm.  And we continued this way and bathtime became enjoyable for both of us again.  It really makes sense, I mean if someone just started pulling at me and rubbing a wet washcloth over me without asking I would get mad, too.  This is also a good way for toddlers to learn body parts.

Give choices.
Ask your child if he wants an apple or a banana for a snack.  Limit his choices to two.  If you give him too many, he may become overwhelmed and then you haven't really helped anything. 

Know What Triggers Tantrums
This is typically fatigue and hunger.  Know when your child needs a nap or a snack, and don't expect them to tell you.  I can always tell when naptime is just around the corner becaue my son will cry over the slightest thing.  But, if I ask him if he's sleepy, I get a quick and emphatic, "NO!"  

He acts much the same when he's hungry, but he does not want to slow down long enough to eat, so I have to more or less force him to sit down and have a snack.  It is always best when I get his snack or get him in bed before he gets perturbed.  It saves us all from his bad moods.